Picture it. New York City, Chelsea to be exact, a known gay bar on Christopher Street- The Stonewall Inn. It is late June 1969 and the bar is being raided again; a common occurrence of the time. A paddy wagon outside ready to take patrons of the bar away to jail. They are being arrested. Why? You ask. Merely for being gay. But the actual laws being enforced are these 1. Wearing two or more articles of clothing of the opposite gender. Lesbians wearing pants and drag queens in dresses. Something we take for granted today. 2. And two males dancing together. Yes. That was against the law. The Gays and Lesbians of color as well as those gays that were more effeminate and the lesbians that were butch were treated even a little more harshly. (Perhaps this is where even today within our community we make fun a little more the nelly boys and the butch dykes. A stigma leftover from all those arrested or hoping to keep from being arrested from that generation that wanted to be left alone by being more a masculine male or of feminine female. You know what I mean. The term “straight acting” that so many gay men use.) once arrested, their names would be printed in the paper and have to suffer consequences like losing their jobs for what you ask again? Being gay.

As people were being ejected from the bar to either go home or be arrested and thrown into the paddy wagon a crowd started to form outside. With each customer being brought out the crowd that grew went from campy to restless. It is uncertain as to whether it was a butch lesbian or a drag queen that rallied the crowd by stopping in the door way and posing defiantly between the officers. (Personally I have always heard the story told from the drag queen point of view) The crowd fought back and they started chanting “Gay Power.”

The police were forced to take refuge in the bar and called for back up. The Tactical Patrol Force. (are you f'ing kidding me? This is the force they used for the riots and protestors for all the Vietnam War happenings. )They beat people that were within their nightstick reach as they swept the street. Only to have the gays and lesbians continue to fight back by coming up the rear. Then there was a group of drag queens that mocked the police by locking elbows and kicking Rockette-style started singing:

We are the Stonewall girls / we wear our hair in curls / we wear no underwear / we show our pubic hair / we wear our dungarees / above our nelly knees!

The police finally retreated. Riots kept happening for five days. This event was the birth of the Gay Pride Movement.

Read More and here and another source.

It was years after this that American Psychiatric Association deleted Homosexuality as a mental disorder or mental illness . They did this in December 1973 and had this to say "It fostered recognition that many of the problems gays and lesbians deal with are the result of societal homophobia." Read more

I am writing about gay history today for many reasons. I’ll explain a few.
(1) I read E-Brechi's (who I adore) entry and agreed with many things he wrote. Specifically “Pride comes from DOING SOMETHING, putting sweat and tears into making a difference.” Those gays and lesbians 36 years ago DID something that would make life for us today what it is.
(2) I was chatting with a young friend that a friend of mine sponsors. He is 20. In talking I asked if he knew how pride parades came about or what it meant. He did not know. So I explained a little bit. And it felt good to pass it on. Our younger generation of Gays and Lesbians will not know unless we tell them.
(3) The coming out process to my family a few weeks ago.
(4) Learning to love our extremely talented and diverse community. It takes all of us TOGETHER to make a difference. Just like that night 36 years ago.

Can you imagine living then? Not being able to hold your partner’s hand in public. MUCH LESS a peck in public! From that one incident, today we are asking for equal rights. No more any less. That is fair.

So today, when I go to gay pride parade, I am not going to cut others down to make myself feel better. I am going to look all of my gay brothers and sisters and see them for the wonderful creations of God. Made perfectly just as HE would have them be. I will enjoy the diversity of our GLBT (GAY, LESBIAN, BISEXUAL, & TRANSGENDERED) community> from the Dykes on Bikes to the Leather Daddy’s from the TWINKS to the BEARS. And don’t forget the Gym Bunnies, who could forget the Gym Bunnies. I will stand proud and HONOR them, that generation of gays and lesbians that now have gray or silver hair for having the courage and strength and spirit to do what had to be done. I will take a moment for all of those that came before me and paved the way so that I can have the freedoms and life I enjoy se much. (while I know there is much work to be done still, gay life today is better than it was 36 years ago) I will be a part of community that stood up for itself, and through literally BLOOD, SWEAT, AND TEARS gave me the opportunity to give back to those that come after me. Just because I have not DONE anything yet does not mean I will not have an opportunity later. And through it all have an attitude of fun like the Stonewall Girls: With Courage, With Strength, With PRIDE:
We are the Stonewall girls / We wear our hair in curls / We wear no underwear / We show our pubic hair / We wear our dungarees / Above our nelly knees!

The past couple of days have been interesting. I am really fed up with work. I have been so busy and I am trying to get through every day, appointment by appointment. I have been working on three different projects, one in New Orleans (well, actually Slidell, La east of NOLA), one in North Houston, and one in Houston. The one in Houston has been a pain. I am used to hearing "NO" in many sense of the word. But one can only take so much rejection. My project in New Orleans should close today. I was also pissed I could not get paid on this until it closed or I finished my 'difficult' project in Houston. I was pissed because I was asked if I could tackle the New Orleans project to help since it was behind deadline and I know the market, you know, get in and get out. So I did. I was doing them a favor and now they are enforcing some silly rule. Well, that just makes me want to say NO to them next time they ask. If I do not see any progress by tomorrow with this difficult project, I am going to trash it, cut my losses and move to my next one. See if they like that. I think my feelings are hurt too. I really work hard and I am good at what I do. Every so often though, there is one bad project. I feel like I am not appreciated by my company. Of course, this is not true. Earlier this year I had a great conversation with the Vice President where he told me I was one of the few agents that was 'no trouble' and got the job done. He told me knew I worked hard and that he was glad to be working with me. Today I just want to say WHATEVER!


With all of this in mind, I am glad I am not solely defined by my work. I had some good news yesterday. After 5 years I have somewhat regular insurance rates. YAH! State Farm cancelled me 5 years ago, with good reason, a DWI and an accident that cost them lots of money. That's when I decided to do something about my drinking. I have always loved State Farm. Having worked in the industry for a while, they really are knowledgeable, have great customer service and are a great company all around. My agent has had me marked to get me back. I also had a few tickets since then and another accident. So we had to wait a liuttle longer. And so I saved over half of what I was paying Allstate. (I love them too but only cause I worked for them for quite sometime) So, I increased my coverage and still saved Roughly $450 every six months. Yes, that's right. I wont even tell you what I was paying. That hurts my bank account!

I also want to say thank you to the elderly lady in the elevator today. I was at Scurlock Towers seeing some doctors. I was totally frustrated. While getting on the elevator there was an elderly woman, a blond woman, and me. The elderly lady was so cute, HUMMING some song while fishing hey keys out of her purse. I think it may have been "oh mystery of life" but I could be wrong. Just completely clueless that we could hear her. The blond and I looked at each other then at the elderly lady and back at each other with big smiles. I think that was the turning point in my day. I was humming-sorta-singing by the time I got to my car. Thanks lady.

I am so glad I am taking these swimming lessons. Stuff to look forward to. I did not like Tuesday so much. I really felt like I sucked BIG TIME! I remember thinking early on the class that I WOULD FINISH> I AM NOT GIVING UP. And it was hard, I had water in my ear. And I could not get the breathing or the strokes or the floating or the fricking flutter kick. I was getting pretty frustrated. About 10 minutes before class ended I was almost wanting to cry. That's when I made a decision. I can do anything for 10 minutes. I can finish class. I do not have to come bak tomorrow, I only need to get through the next ten minutes. The other 2 guys that were in class, (the girl did not show up and a new guy did) were doing great. They just jumped in and were swimming the length of the pool. I kept trying and needing to stop half way down the pool and then would keep going. I was tired. I finished class and came home. I yelled at Mary Christmas to stay away 'cause I was in a bad mood. I apologized later and told my tale of how I did so poorly in class.

I went again yesterday. WOW! I had so much fun. (see what a difference one day makes) I was the only one that showed up so it was like a private lesson. I had a huge realization. SWIMMING IS ABOUT STAYING UNDER WATER. The instructor smiled and said. "you haev just stated the fundamental principle behind submesion swimming" I think he was thinking "NO SHIT!" I am glad he did not make me feel stupid. I was swimming the length of the pool. NOT very good at first, and yes with fins, but who cares. Not to say that is was not difficult. Sometimes I forgot to breathe... huh? Yeah, forgot to breathe. lol The instructor was great. Had me do different drills. At one point he said, "This might be pushing it, but let's try." And I love that. Push me please. And let me practice too. DRILLS do not bore me. I find it very rewarding to be able to get something down. I loved class. I stayed 10 extra minutes and did several drills on my own. I felt good about myself. I still have water in my ear. I have been using Swim-Ear Ear Drying Aid and it has been working, but not last night. I'll keep using it. One ting is for sure today. I am not giving up.

I went to the YMCA and had my first ever official swimming lesson. I felt so good about myself. I sucked at some things and did ok at others and pretty good at some things. I was definitely NOT afraid of the water. My brother used to own a pool plastering company when I was growing up. I was around lots of pools. My brothers are all good swimmers. I never got the hang of it. I remember when I was little, like 8 or 9, maybe 10, one time, when we were at a job site working on a pool, one of my brothers came and grabbed me by ankle, flung me upside down into the deep end of the pool and walked away. He told the other workers NOT to help me. That I would have to learn on my own. And today, I have truly started that process. I am learning. On my own I went and signed up and paid and showed up and dove right in! Get it?! hahaha but I digress.

I have many square-cut bathing suits, teaching and practicing hot yoga, well, I have lots. But I went yesterday to get straight boy swimming trunks. (I figured that if I was going to the YMCA pool I wanted to be different, have a separate "look" for swimming. I am sure I will eventually get comfortable enough to wear square-cuts to the pool at the Y) I left the store with 4 pair of straight boy swim trunks! What can I say I am still gay and I was shopping. But I look good in them...NO! Not straight. I said good, I look good in them.

There were only three of us and the instructor. He was kinda funny. Certainly had his own sense of humor. I like that. Another guy and a girl. The girl just came from the last session and did the beginners class. She learned lots of good stuff cause her form was great. I started to wonder if I should really be in intermediate, but then the instructor said I was doing good and that the beginners class really is for people that are afraid of the water. And then I thought, where would the challenge be?

I am glad I have my yoga...It helps a lot. The arms over the head thing like the first picture below, was easy for my.... I have a good half moon pose. I did not do so good with kicking.... Cant get the hang quite yet. And when I kicked I did not breathe, and then well, I was stroking the air.... That doesn't do anything. You have to stroke the water..... I am so grateful that as a yoga teacher I encourage students. And that now the teacher within is encouraging me. ( I am actually listening to what I have told my students and following that same instruction and it works.) I am gonna hang in there. Cant wait for class tomorrow.

we did this


and this


I am sure I did not look quite like either of these. Michael Phelps is of course MICHAEL PHELPS! I thought about Michael during my swim lesson. Everyone had to start somewhere. Right? He was not always this good. It takes work, and practice. Thinking about Michael certainly helped. And he is so easy on the eyes, like the boys that were practicing next to us....again I digress.

I wanted to post pictures for my own inspiration. I love flat stomachs, bellies, abs, what ever you want to call it. They don't have to be ripped abs... I know that the average guy does not have them. But I want a flat stomach! Even if it is on someone else.. :) There were about 10 to 15 guys and girls practicing in the lanes next to us, what looked like some sort of relay swimming. They were all so graceful, so strong, so powerful in the water. I did notice today that there were lots of guys wearing the long biker-short-type speedo. Oh my GOD! So many sexy guys with flat stomachs. A couple of them were gay and smiled. I am sure they were thinking, "Look at that group of dorks over there." And the teacher within me would prefer to say they were thinking, "Before you know it, you guys will be over here soon, practicing with us. We'll all have fun swimming together." Wouldn't that be nice if that really was what they were thinking. Either way a couple of the...Ok the TWO really cute ones smiled at me or at least in my direction.... More inspiration to keep showing up.This is how I saw that group practicing....


I like this last picture. For me it is Michael Phelps waving to me... Saying, "Great JOB! See ya tomorrow OK?" Who would not come back to see him........

Last night we had the Service and Silent Auction benefiting The Houston Round Up. It was a lot of fun to be a part of the fundraising committee and help to put this on. Everyone involved seemed to have a good time. There was even snacks to help keep one's energy up. Shopping can be exhausting you know. There was lots of great stuff donated by so many generous people. I wish i could have bought it all) Items ranging from Massage sessions, car washes, astrology readings, interior design services, catering, landscape design, to cosmetic surgery..... hahahaha There were so many people that came with their check books! Thank you all! It was a huge success. We set a new record for money raised during this event, roughly $5,700.00.

I spent more money than I should have, BUT still came in under the amount I had budgeted to spend at this event. I came home with a car wash, an interior design session, gift certificates to the spa, a catered party for 10, and 3 pieces of art. WOW! I made out like a bandit.

I will also say that Mary Christmas came home with some stuff too. I swear. He was bidding against me at one point. I had no idea. The Auctioneer finally looked at him and said, "Are you really going to continue to bid against your roommate?" When I heard that, I figured I should back off and he came home with an exquisite piece of art that I love soooooooooo much. YAY! At this rate I should be careful. People will not know if this is a house or an art gallery! He also came home with a big basket of goodies: twinkies, chips, chocolate over do doughnuts, Kool Aid, trail mix, crackers, etc., Just your general assortment of junk food! ugggh! Does he not know I am trying to lose a little weight?! He is here to make sure I stay a Big Gurl. I have to hit the Gym or a Yoga class today. I have already had two twinkies....Sugar is my down fall. Maybe I will throw it all out while he is still sleeping....

Big City Boy is visiting from DC. He called yesterday morning to let me know that yesterday was officially "Fuck-With-The-Queen Day". His flight had been delayed two hours. He called to let me know not to rush through my work day and to let me know that he would call me when he was on his way "into the city". I responded by saying, "What city?" He said "Houston" I said "OH!, You mean when you are on your way "into town." He laughed. You see, San Francisco, New York, DC and other such metropolises use that term into the city because it is so congested and people live outside the city - that's what I think anyways. The Airport in Houston is about 25 minutes from my house. I would hardly call that a drive INTO THE CITY, it is however coming INTO TOWN. Just one of those country things I guess. He is just as country as me. He's lived in the big city too long. picking up phrases like that. We had a good laugh.

One of his co-workers called to ask if he was coming to Texas. He confirmed that. And she commented on how she couldn't wait to talk to him when he returned. Mainly because she knew he would be picking up some Texas sayings. teee-heee-heee I will make sure he takes back all kinds of good ones.


He arrived yesterday and we went to straight to lunch. We, here in Houston and really anywhere in Texas, have the BEST MEXICAN FOOD EVER! And good Tex-Mex too. He was craving good Mexican food. We went to our favorite, La Mexicana and caught up. I love that boy. He moved two years ago and although we talk regularly, I miss him.

Odd story. He moved from DC to Houston a little over 4 years ago. We met through friends. And we start dating. THEN HE DUMPED ME! About six months after that we started dating again. This time I DUMPED HIM. What we learned: We are much better as friends. I am so glad we figured that out. Imagine if we had been bitter or had hang ups about each other to where we would have missed out on being such great friends. He has always been honest with me and me with him. And it is not the MEAN kind of honesty. I can always take it when he points things out. He is very insightful. There is such a special place in my heart for him.

So we hung out last night too. A group of us went to dinner to Mai's, a Vietnamese restaurant... a really good one. We laughed and has so much fun catching up. That boy says the most off-the-wall stuff. A really hot guys walked by (we were all staring) and he bursts out with "He can pull my pony tail, slap me and call me BITCH. I'd let him, uh-huh." we all just laughed, mostly cause he said what we were thinking :)

We gossiped, made jokes and were a general rambunctious bunch. Talked about all kinds of things. Old times, new times, razzing each other. I got quiet and observed. Made me think about growing up. Everyone in the house was like that but I did not feel a part of. I guess, now being grown up, I have created a little something like that. Then I jumped in and joined all the yakking! Pokin' fun at each other and people in general.

Mai, the owner was working, as always. When we were leaving having her separate the check, She looks at him and says in her Vietnamese accented English "you have not been here in a year" To which he replies. "now see, I've been gone for two years and you did not notice" And she immediately comes back with "NO! You came a year ago, I see you" and he thinks. And one of our friends says, "we came to have dinner when you visited a year ago, MARCH." Mai was right. And I looks at Big City Boy and said, "She really remembers you. She must like you" AND he come back with "SHE BETTER. My money built this joint. I ate here 4 or 5 times a week when she first opened." HE looks at here and then says"Aint that right?" She says, "yes. Have a good night." and helps the next people. hahahahaha

Cant wait to hang out with him some more during his visit. A very welcome distraction.

After I posted this morning, I got my ass in gear. I figured I need to look forward.... To the future. I did not do nearly the amount of work I was supposed to get done, but still feel good about what was accomplished. I went to the NMT for some work on my neck, arm and hand. If anything is worth doing, it's worth overdoing. I also went to get a massage targeting my upper body, shoulders and arms. I feel like a million bucks.

I have been keeping up with my trainee in New Orleans. She has been calling several times a day. I kind look forward to those calls. She is doing a great job. She closed our project today. Well almost. I still have to get my stuff done. I did not have the heart to tell her over the phone there is a bit more to do. I will tell her in the morning when she comes over to get some final paperwork reviewed. I know we will be done by Monday for sure. I am gonna hire one of the newbies to help me run around and pick up contracts. He lives in that part of town. I would rather pay him to be a courier than the actual courier. This is gonna help me tremendously next week. I am still working on one project that should have been done a month ago! Thank God this one is new and does not have a deadline....Yet. That's what I am gonna focus on next week.

I want to say that it is very strange to bog. I have received some very nice comments from people all over. It feels....ummm..... Very different to know others are reading and that I do not know who they are. Some of you have blogs and so I get to read and get to know you a little. Today I certainly needed the blogs that I read and even found a few more interesting ones. You all keep me just entertained enough, just distracted enough. I can read and then face the world. Today you were all so wonderful with your comments. I feel like I am being embraced by the blogging community. Thank you for being so kind. I look forward to reading more and writing more. Looking to forward to getting to know you more.

And let today embrace the past with remembrance and the future with longing. - Khalil

It is 10:12 am on a Thursday morning. I am sitting here unable to get to work. The very thought of having to move about is unbearable - a sign of a deeper pain. I had set a date for myself, JUNE 15. That day came and went. And I did not die, I did not explode, my little man did not come back, he did not call. I spent yesterday in kind of a funk as I went about all of my business. In the afternoon, the date hit me. I am glad that I am pretty involved with certain organizations and that I have commitments. Having dinner with Daddy Long Legs and going to this party was a welcome distraction. Although from time to time I would wander into my head and get sad...

Little Man and his family are supposed to move away, to Korea in June. So I figured I would make it June 15th the day they moved. I wanted to call and see is the number worked. I didn't. I haven't. Hopefully I wont. "just to see if it works" If it does work, I;ll get my hopes up. If it doesn't? Well, I would really rather not know one way or the other. So I am very sad - again. It comes and goes. The good new is that the "goes" are longer and longer each time. I was reading a card he gave me and of course that stirred up emotions again. So I am embracing my past with remembrance - having been kind, loving, nurturing, funny, vulnerable, passionate with a special guy. I am embracing the future knowing that I can be a nice guy, a good catch, a boyfriend worth having for someone some day. All I have is today. Lets see what happens.

on a brighter note.
I went to dinner with Daddy Long Legs at a lounge downtown. The Lounge, 6 degrees, is his client and was having a customer appreciation/web site RELAUNCH party. We went to dinner first. The food was great. (of course there was something wrong.....I did not finish the appetizer, the salad or the entree) Those that know me, KNOW I can eat! So then we walked thru downtown to the lounge and had fun there too.

I have been looking for some art pieces for the dining room and the bedroom.....Mainly the bedroom. It has been difficult. I have been looking for a long time. But I would rather get exactly what I want than something I am not really happy with. So it takes time and patience. At dinner I told Daddy Long Legs that I had a great idea for the space above my bed. I saw it on one of the reality make-over, redesign-my-house sort-of-shows. And I was excited.
At the Lounge I saw this


I loved it! I fell in love! THIS IS GOING OVER MY BED! LOVE IT! I have several other nudes (art that is) And I love the female form in art. I got to meet the model in the painting. She is very sweet. She went and got the owner and he agreed to sell it to me....And offered to knock off some of the price since I was a friend of Daddy Long Legs. He told me the story. He wanted a female nude. He wanted a model that ha never done nudes before and a photographer that had never shot a nude model. He said it took a while to get them together 'cause everyone was nervous. When it finally happened it turned out great. This is part of a series of 5 paintings.
I cant wait to get this home! Now I am motivated to get to work so I can pay for it. Later.

I made an appointment with the neuromuscular therapist and went to see her yesterday. My friend, the Affluent Bohemian turned me on to this NMT. The Affluent Bohemian swears by this NMT. I feel totally relieved from all this pain in my neck and shoulder that ran all the way into my hand. The NMT has helped me with day to day stuff too, like how to hold things trying to keep my thumb out of use for a while. Interesting, but it is working in just one day. I will be going to see her again on Thursday and have decided to go for a few weeks especially since I am taking all this new physical activity.

Work life has been extremely busy. I pride myself on working smart not hard. I love my job because it affords me the time to do all the activities that I love. Lately, I am a work-aholic. UGHHH! All I can say is that I will be set come August. At that time I can sit back and enjoy my regular routine.

I also wanted to post these pics. The Serene Silver Fox. I sometimes call her the Llama Lady. Here she is playing with a butterfly. Look at that smile. She is having fun with a beautiful little butterfly. I miss her so much. She moved away a year ago March. She went to Jersey and became and Alpaca Farmer. Of all things... :) All I know is she had a dream, a vision to change her life. She wanted to start something that she and her husband could work on and retire to..... And she has realized it. It has not been easy, but he has perservered and done it. I am awfully proud of her. She is a KICK ASS role model.

I had been noticing/talking about/complaining that my hand hurts. I think I may have a pinched nerve in my neck. This is only after riding my bike. It goes away two days after I ride. hmm. I made an appointment with a neuromuscular therapist. I had this before and going to see her helped tremendously. Then, the yoga practice kept it in check. I have not been practicing so I am sure this has also been a factor in the symptom returning.

I went to the YMCA on Saturday to work out by myself for the first time. I had previously met with one f the trainer to get set up on a routine. They have a really neat system called FitLinxx. It is a 12 machine routine that is a total workout. You are given a code and you enter it on each machine. It tells you what to set the seat, back, legs etc, How much weight, how many reps and keeps you in your range of motion so you are getting an optimum workout. The machine will beep at you if you are going to fast and tells you to slow down. It will track your rang of motion to the point that if you try to cheat by not going the height or lowering the weight enough it does not count that as a rep! I know this from first hand experience. hahahaha It tracks all of your information. It tells you when to increase weight if you have been doing well and completing all the reps in each set, automatically taking and increasing your workout. Pretty neat stuff.

I went to lunch with Daddy Long Legs after my work out and told him that I thought the trainer did not give me enough weight. My work out seemed rather easy. But I also know enough to just focus on form right now and that I was very willing to do that.... And so I am.

I woke up Sunday SOOOOOOOOOOO SORE! Today I am even more sore. Ouch! I had a trainer once and she worked my ass off! I was always sore. BUT nothing like this. So I am gonna take it easy. I am gonna go today, and do my work out.... But take it easy.

So, I have forgotten about my hand pain cause the soreness from working out is so much greater. Pain kills the pain. Another Bikramism. Since I have a greater discomfort I have totally forgotten about my hand and neck. Isn't that strange. I guess it really is true.... Pain kills the pain.

These are from last summer. I hope to have new ones before Maxeen closes the pool for this season.

Bikramism: A saying used by Bikram Choudhury. I am short, 5'6". Bikram is slightly shorter. BUT BOY, does he have a presence. When he walks into a room, you would think a giant was among us. He usually kids with those of us that are shorter by telling us something to the effect of, "The big thing comes in the small package. You know what I am talking about." Boosting our confidence and making us smile. This man is such a wealth of knowledge. Not just about yoga, or better yet, about all of yoga and life is yoga.

I went to the Bikram Yoga Teacher Training in the Spring of 2003 and was certified. The teacher training is held in Beverly Hills, or just outside I believe it is actually Los Angeles. 9 weeks of intense yoga classes, yoga philosophies, lectures, anatomy, learning the poses, the benefits of the poses, how to teach, voice lessons, presence in the room, posture clinics, most times the days went in excess of 15 hours. It was boot camp. The concept: if you want to change something like iron, you have to place it in the fire and let it heat up, then pull it put and pound it. In the end you have a beautiful, shiny piece. That is what I felt like when I finished the training.

Last night, as I was driving back from new Orleans, I received many phone calls from friends regarding the segment on 60 Minutes about Bikram and Bikram Yoga. When I got home I had several emails with links to some video clips. The show, 60 Minutes was pushed back to 1:30 am in our time zone, or rather in Houston, due to some movie airing in that time slot. hmmm. Only in Houston would a news show be pushed back for a made for TV movie sponsored by Billy Graham. I was able to set my DVR and record it. I watched this morning with so much enthusiasm. I love watching him and hearing his voice. During the training, his classes with go in excess of 2 hours. At the end of class, when I was a big, pool of sweat on my mat, I would lay down, close my eyes and listen. He would sing to us. A song his Guru sang to him. And it was peaceful and calm and to be really honest I felt so safe. I have been to LA to see him several times since my training. It is always good to see him. Always learning more from the master.

There are many Bikramisms. My favorite, obviously, Let No One Steal Your Peace. He would look at you and know exactly what buttons to push. Sometimes it seemed kind of harsh. And people would cry. Feelings would get hurt. People would literally run out of the room. And he would make them come back and keep pushing the buttons. And his point: NO matter what, It does not matter who. So long as you know the truth, both the good truth and the bad truth, what people say or do will not affect you. THAT is practicing yoga. Same as in a yoga posture. Nothing can disturb your balance, steadiness or strength. By good truth and bad truth I mean the following. Example: I have a droopy eye lid. I have always been very self conscience about it. When people ask if there is something wrong with my eye, I usually get nervous and makes it worse. I used to get mad if you even hinted toward that. Ignoring it did not make it better. The truth is I have a droopy eye lid. Ignoring it does not change that. By acknowledging this, the power this had over me and the power others had over me though this was diminished. That button was uninstalled. This is what I mean by bad truth...stuff we dont want to acknoweldge or that we find embarrassing, etc. Good truth: the stuff we know we like or excel at or even facts that we can easily acknowledge because they make us happy. Having an honest approach to ourselves seems to dissipate any power others would have over us. Letting no one steal our peace.

Other Bikramisms:
Kiss their ass they piss in your face; Kick their ass, they kiss your face.
99% right is 100% Wrong!
I don't sell cheescake, I sell pain.
Think of it.
The best food is no food.

Any ways. I have rambled on and on about Bikram, which by the way means "WINNER". I am a huge advocate of Bikram Yoga and its powerful benefits. I would highly reccommend you try a class if there is s studio in your city. And go in with an open mind. This yoga really will transform your life. It changed mine enough to take 3 months off from work to be certified and teach. I want to share what I have been given so that others can have their own transformations.

I just got in from New Orleans - Another long day. And I have a long two more days in my week. It is all good. I was driving back when I found myself thinking about my Little Man. I guess I cant claim him anymore, but that was my nickname for him. And I was thinking of different conversations we had, about his beautiful smile....And that particular way of asking me to stop when I was teasing him or when I beat him to the punch line. Before I realized it, there was a smile on my face. Not just any smile, a BIG, goofy, ear-to-ear, toothy smile. And my heart was glad. It has been a few months and I still don't know know why things ended. I am just glad I can smile when I think of him. That I have so many fond memories. I will always have that. I am tempted to write one of them, but I better keep that to myself. NO. It is not dirty or obscene. I was actually Just a conversation where we shared some spiritual views we had. And I am sitting here, again with a smile. I cant help it. SMILE!

I when to to the YMCA this morning (at 6:30 am) and met with the trainer that was 35 mins late yesterday. We got me all set up on FitLinx. That's their system that helps one to work out, telling you how much weight, how many reps, sets, and keeping you within your rang of motion.... It even tells you what to set your seat height and incline and such. Pretty Cool Stuff. I felt great after that. I am all set. I also signed up for swimming lessons that start June 20. I procrastinated so much that I sis not make the class that started yesterday. ooops!

I went about my day with work. NICE. I am starting a project that is a big cash cow for me. I don't mean that disrespectfully either. I love working with them. It's just that they are a hot spot in the medical community. I am glad I landed them 3 years ago.

I got to speak to a fellow blogger today. It was nice to hear the voice. We will be meeting over Thanksgiving weekend. I wonder if he will blog about his "A Gay in Texas."

I have been guiding the new girl who is in New Orleans. She went on sales calls today. She did good. Finally got those first few ALONE appointments where you stumble an your voice cracks and you are so unsure of yourself out of the way. Build her self-confidence. I am meeting her there just for the day tomorrow. I have my own set of appointments to deal with while I am there too that she has to go on and observe. Just another day.....

I had to put my car in the shop. We will see what happens. I may have to buy a new car. I love Sally, that's what I've named my 93 gold 2 Door Lexus SC300. I love her. I have been taking care of her so much. But alas, all good things.......Must get better, I have been thinking about a new car for a while. I want an SUV but I drive WAAAAAYYYYY TOO MUCH. That would not be a good idea with gas prices being what they are. We'll see.

I went on my first bike ride with Daddy Long Legs. We went across streets, and to the park. We went Up hills and down hills; through trails and over bumps; under bridges and across the bayou. Whew! I was doing ok. I wiped my face a Clearasil pad before we went and that made the sweat that got in eyes sting - BAD! But I did ok. I was also trying to figure out the brakes and gears. When I was a kid I remember you just peddled backwards to brake. Now there are front brakes and rear brakes. And all these gears. I was playing with trying to get a feel for this new bike. I was following the best I could. He is more experienced. I proved my theory true. Just as in walking.... He can go farther and faster.....Cause he has longer legs. He had to back track a few times so I could catch up..... That was nice of him. A bike ride with out incident. YAY! And at the end, I figured we had gone about 12 miles. He informed me that it was maybe 3 or a little over that. HUH? I am still not convinced, but I will have to trust him. The we figured out that I was riding in first gear the whole time. I thought I was shifting but apparently there might be something wrong with my new bike. No wonder I was having a hard time. My legs are gonna be sore tomorrow as well as my butt - That's gonna hurt.

After the bike ride, we went to Ninfa's for fajitas, green sauce and guacamole. Those fajitas did not stand a chance. A pound of them....GONE! Just like that. Poof. Nothing left. We devoured them and they were so delicious. I love good Mexican food. And that just hit the spot! Speaking of spots. When we went to grab coffee after dinner, I noticed I was wearing must of my dinner. I could not believe how much I spilled on myself. lol I was hungry that I apparently was not watching that I was spilling salsa, guacamole, and queso dip all over my shirt. I laughed a lot. That is how hungry I was. Thank God I don't eat like that everyday....I think. Maybe I do and just had not realized it. hahahaha Dinner was great!

I had such a terrible day yesterday. I could not even bring myself to blog. I finally just went to bed at 10 pm and forced to call it a day. I woke up today and feel like I can face the world. I am not ging to go so far as to tempt life by teasing it and saying "bring it on, I can handle it today," but rather "Here I am. Be gentle."

I really enjoy blogging. I wish I could do it all day long. I enjoy it more than my journal, although my journal is very important and there are topics I write about there that I would not blog about.....But there are very few. I consider this my online journal.

I have been pretty busy and not been taking the time, or rather making the time to blog. So today I am catching up on my week.

I went to New Orleans for work again. This time I had a trainee riding along. It was someone that I used to party with A LOT! She has been hired and I am working with her in New Orleans. She has had a little training with my boss, but was assigned to me since I am the one with a FULL schedule and can show her all of the ropes. Apparently everyone else is working on some smaller, not-so-full assignments. ***Whatever**
So Thursday and Friday we spent every waking minute together, from 6am Thursday to 10 pm Friday. UGHH! No time for me. And no time to enjoy being on that long drive. We got a lot done. I've figured out that basically right now I have an assistant. I am trying to be patient. I could get things done quicker if I was doing it myself, but to tell someone how to do it, then have someone do it and then lookover it takes some time. Especially if they don't ask questions and ASSUME what it is you meant, or interprets what they read. I am learning to be very clear and specific. Inhale, exhale. Patience.
The trip was successful business wise. And she is coming along. I have decided to send her alone next week. I am fairly confident that she cannot screw anything up so bad that I would lose this account. And if need be, I can be there the the very next day to fix it. I have come to realize that in my work I can fix just about anything. And what cant be fixed is so broken, that everyone involved is painfully aware of that going in.
I did have a rather funny experience with my client. She and I have met many times before as I have worked in the New Orleans market for 5 years. But we never worked together. She holds a rather important position within the health system I am working with. And I found out that she is a pistol. She was making me laugh just in her everyday dealings. Very laid back, fun, high energy, and certainly had a great personality. I happen to know she is very intelligent and knows her stuff. So I was not gonna throw any BS her way. She did not get to where she is by just her personality. We were tying up our meeting and I asked for the last of the materials I would need: letterhead, envelopes and mailing labels for the staff.
I spoke to her assistant before she left for Dallas and she was supposed to leave all of this for me. Well, it did not get done. I have this happen all the time. No Prob. Well, My contact went a little frantic looking for these items. Opening cabinets, and THINKING out loud. Saying things like, "Well, Ive only been at this facility 5 months." and "We are a hospital and write letters all the time. I know we have letterhead." My favorite. "We mail stuff all the time. I'm sure there are envelopes around here somewhere."
So an employee walks in and Crazy Administrator Woman asks her to help looking for these items. They are both looking and they find the letterhead, and keep on with the envelopes. We then have a conversation that goes like this.

Administrator: "Do you really need envelopes?"
ME: "Well, yes. You see, that's what we put the letter in and the label on top of to mail out."
She jerked her head back in my direction and furrowed her eyebrows, mouth slightly agape. I thought, "OH fuck! That did not come out right." I was feeling the heat around my collar and then I thought "shit. And I have a trainee riding along that is having a stress attack over this" So then I smiled and so did the administrator. And then we laughed. She said she was thinking " This boy is either really funny or thinks I am really stupid!" And since we laughed, obviously I was funny. She then said. "Now I know we are gonna get along just fine. I am gonna like working with you." What she meant to say at the beginning of all this was "Do you need the envelopes TODAY" and I meant to say "yes" a bad situation turned good. We laughed really hard the next day when she and I told her assistant that was back now about this and she laughed too.

I happened to go and help a friend move some furniture she was buying. While I was there, I bought a bike. It was an impulse buy. But I am so happy. Daddy Long Legs just got his and has been riding around. I am sure we will be biking buddies too now.

I also went to my nephew's graduation BBC at my brothers house. What I am gonna say about all of this is that I felt extremely connected as a member of my family. I am sure they are just as they have always been. But it was as if I had gotten a new pair of glasses. It was so clear. I especially like that all the cousins (my nieces and nephews from all of my siblings) were sitting around the kitchen table laughing and joking and telling stories and razing each other. That was the last image I have of this BBC. I will cherish that forever.

I then came home to my friends and had a delicious dinner followed by a very good teaching game of CANASTA~! I love that we have so much fun when we get together and play.

I have not been able to write about everything but I am tired now. I am gonna go and relax. I have a very full week ahead of me.