Thursday, May 11, 2006
What Peace?
My PEACE is just plain gone. It’s been stolen from me. One thing I had not thought about before is that I COULD BE THE ONE STEALING MY OWN PEACE. Didn’t see that coming at all. My life seems to be so out of balance. I am constantly worrying about my weight and body size. (I’m the heaviest I have been – ever.) that may not be important to most, but it is creating unhappiness for me. So much that I cant enjoy a meal, a workout, yoga class, Especially yoga class. Ughh!
Not only that. It just seems like everythning gets on my nerves. Everything and everyone seems to annoy me, get under my skin and steal my peace. I get so frustrated with people lately. For all kinds of things. I just tend to keep my mouth closed and bite my tongue. I am well aware of the filthy mouth I have on me and how my words and tone can be razor sharp.
I am trying to stay in place of love so that I do not have to come back to anyone and make any amends. I hate making amends. I am often asking myself, “Is this a kind statement? Is it loving? Does it have to be said? Does it have to be said BY ME? Does it have to be said by me RIGHT NOW?” by the time I get to that last one, the answer is definitely NO! So I just go on about my business.
God, I want my peace back. God, Keep me out of my own way and grant me peace.
Not only that. It just seems like everythning gets on my nerves. Everything and everyone seems to annoy me, get under my skin and steal my peace. I get so frustrated with people lately. For all kinds of things. I just tend to keep my mouth closed and bite my tongue. I am well aware of the filthy mouth I have on me and how my words and tone can be razor sharp.
I am trying to stay in place of love so that I do not have to come back to anyone and make any amends. I hate making amends. I am often asking myself, “Is this a kind statement? Is it loving? Does it have to be said? Does it have to be said BY ME? Does it have to be said by me RIGHT NOW?” by the time I get to that last one, the answer is definitely NO! So I just go on about my business.
God, I want my peace back. God, Keep me out of my own way and grant me peace.
Sunday, May 07, 2006
Connecting Actions
A list of things I do that keep me connected. Anyone one of these by itself, or in any combination or order that keep me connected to something greater, to nature, the universe, or the Divine.
• Bikram Yoga
• Meditation
• Prayer all forms
• The Rosary
• Sunday Mass
• Silence in sacred spaces
• Gardening
• Blogging
• Bike Riding
• Reading Khalil Gibran
• Photography
• Working out
• Coco
• Yoga books
• Writing/Journaling
• Doodling/drawing/art
• Talking with The Serene Silver Fox
• My Sponsor
• Sponsees
• Working with Newcomers
• Daily Meditations
I have not been doing any of these. Is it any wonder that I am just completely nuts!
• Bikram Yoga
• Meditation
• Prayer all forms
• The Rosary
• Sunday Mass
• Silence in sacred spaces
• Gardening
• Blogging
• Bike Riding
• Reading Khalil Gibran
• Photography
• Working out
• Coco
• Yoga books
• Writing/Journaling
• Doodling/drawing/art
• Talking with The Serene Silver Fox
• My Sponsor
• Sponsees
• Working with Newcomers
• Daily Meditations
I have not been doing any of these. Is it any wonder that I am just completely nuts!
Thursday, May 04, 2006
God's Ideas
Bulletin
I am still so dissapointed about employment in Northern California. I talked to a freind who said. "It's like that church sign on W Gray says. When God says No, it's because he has a better idea." I ran over and took a picture of it.
So I will see how this turns out. For now, I am not moving. But you never know. Anything could happen tomorrow.
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
So Much For That Idea...
Steiner
I spoke to my boss today. She informed me that my company has hired someone for the Northern California territory. Therefore, I will not be able to transfer. I could actually push the issue. In all honesty, it wouldn’t be fair. I mean, I would not like it if they transferred someone into my territory – what ever the reason would be. I am cool with that.
I am so bummed. I just can’t believe it. I can’t move with out my day job. I would love to teach yoga fulltime. But I don’t do that for the money. Do you know how expensive rent is in SF? Holy Fucking shit! I just cant believe it. A studio apartment rents for what I pay for my 2 bedroom/2 bath HOUSE in Houston. Yikes!
I am still looking to see what I can do. But, at the same time, I want to be very reasonable. I am not gonna move without a plan or a good source of income – especially with it being so expensive out there. I do not mind simplifying, or making cut backs, tightening my belt, but I also have a lifestyle to which I have become accustomed. Hahahaha This from a poor little Mexican kid who came from nothing and had nothing for so long. My mom used to tell me that the only thing I was lacking was money, cause I sure had expensive taste. :)
I justcant believe how bummed I am. I am a but angry, throw in some frustration, add some depression, and make sure there is plenty of dissapointment.
Monday, May 01, 2006
Moving?
After this last trip to San Francisco, I am obsessed with the idea of moving there. I have started setting things in motion on trying to make this happen. I’ve never lived anywhere else but Houston. I have traveled to many cities, but none have affected me like San Francisco. I really do feel like that town has stolen my heart. I have no desire to move or live anywhere else, but if given the chance, I would jump on it .
I’m fairly certain that I could transfer with my work there. That would be a good source of income. The big reason to move there is to be able to study with the Fearless Leader. Basically, do an apprenticeship with her. I’d be able to get to know some different people. I would very much so be getting out of my comfort zone. HELL, I’m a Texas boy. I love it here. I know I would miss my friends and family. But there is such an allure in San Fran – I just cant describe it.
Anywho. Keep your fingers crossed. Let’s hope things go well and smoothly.
Bridge
I’m fairly certain that I could transfer with my work there. That would be a good source of income. The big reason to move there is to be able to study with the Fearless Leader. Basically, do an apprenticeship with her. I’d be able to get to know some different people. I would very much so be getting out of my comfort zone. HELL, I’m a Texas boy. I love it here. I know I would miss my friends and family. But there is such an allure in San Fran – I just cant describe it.
Anywho. Keep your fingers crossed. Let’s hope things go well and smoothly.
Bridge
