Saturday, December 30, 2006
Damn IT
I hate to put myself out there. I did this and have been feeling some pretty raw emotions.
I asked a friend for help and he agreed. When I called the day I needed that help, my calls were not answered or returned. I was in a tough spot and figured I should pull myself up by the boot straps. So I did. I felt just awful tho. Everything got done, but I was in so much fear.
I just kept thinking to myself, “See, no one will ever be there to take care of you. You have to do that yourself.” It was not the bitchy, "If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself." It was more of a sad, 'You are alone and you alone are responsible for you. No one will take care of you.' And under that was probably, “You are not worth anyone’s time.. You are not worth anyone taking time out to take care of you.”
So I felt like I put myself out there, became vulnerable by asking for help, and I was just punched really hard - caught completely off guard and had the wind knocked out of me.
Don’t know what to do. Maybe nothing. I have just been thinking that I am truly the only one responsible for me. It is my job, no one else’s to assure that my life and my affairs get taken care of.
Some one stole my peace, but some good will come of it. I know that for sure.
I asked a friend for help and he agreed. When I called the day I needed that help, my calls were not answered or returned. I was in a tough spot and figured I should pull myself up by the boot straps. So I did. I felt just awful tho. Everything got done, but I was in so much fear.
I just kept thinking to myself, “See, no one will ever be there to take care of you. You have to do that yourself.” It was not the bitchy, "If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself." It was more of a sad, 'You are alone and you alone are responsible for you. No one will take care of you.' And under that was probably, “You are not worth anyone’s time.. You are not worth anyone taking time out to take care of you.”
So I felt like I put myself out there, became vulnerable by asking for help, and I was just punched really hard - caught completely off guard and had the wind knocked out of me.
Don’t know what to do. Maybe nothing. I have just been thinking that I am truly the only one responsible for me. It is my job, no one else’s to assure that my life and my affairs get taken care of.
Some one stole my peace, but some good will come of it. I know that for sure.
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
All I Want for Christmas….
This holiday season has been truly hectic and crazy.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS is a SILENT NIGHT!
And guess what? That is exactly what I got. I went to my mom’s and then to my Goddess Mother’s on Christmas Eve. Christmas Day I volunteered to teach a yoga class in the morning. I am so glad I did. There were lots of people that attended that class and were so happy that someone was there to teach.
After that, I cam home, made a green bean casserole (my favorite) and warmed up the turkey breast and ham from Honey baked ham company and sat in front of the TV to watch movies. I rented six of them. I guess I sat down about noon. And I ate, and watched, and ate and laughed and cried and had exactly what I wanted for Christmas – a little PEACE to rejuvenate my soul.
Peace on Earth, Good will toward men.
Merry Christmas everyone.
Friday, December 22, 2006
It's Not the Sunset, BUT The Dawn
So here is a picture that Little Man took in South Korea. It is actually a sunset. Isnt that just beautiful? I love sunsets and sunrises. I love that there are times when I cant tell one from the other. Almost like a moment in time where I cant tell whether it is starting or ending.
There is a song that says something like that. "It's not the sunset but the dawn, a time when memories linger on." we sang that in my fifth grade graduation. I was in the choir. That's the only line I remember tho. I;m getting off topic.
The point is, I have not been blogging. I have been keepinga journal tho. and that writing has helped tremendously. I have not had time or been wliing to make the time, to read blogs much less write in my own blog.
So here is the deal. I have not gone away, I am still here.
At LET NO ONE STEAL YOUR PEACE.....
It is not the sunset but the dawn, a new begining.
