Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Six
My life today, this day, nowadays, is so different from just six years ago. I am in awe at how everything has changed. It was six years ago today that I came to AA to stop drinking,. It was six years ago today that I was in trouble with the law – again. I woke up, or rather came to in jail – again. The memories of the previous day slowly come back to me. God, I hated black outs. I sat there cringing from each memory. Thinking to myself “HOW? WHY? Why couldn’t I stop?” More memories coming and realizing that MAYBE if I did not drnk I would not end up in jail. What was I going to do? My car had already been repossessed and I took over the note on a friend’s car. I had quit my job cause I knew I was about to get fired. I was facing getting evicted from my apartment. I had alienated o many people that cared about me. It really seemed like I was on my own.
I had no idea what I was looking for when I got here. I just knew that I wanted to stop. I wanted life to be different. I followed the suggestions I was given. I had no idea I was gonna be here this long. I often ask myself, “How did I get here?” And then I am filled with gratitude. You see, had I not stayed, life would be very different. Nothing like what it is now. I just got back from San Francisco. I get to travel a lot and have fun. I came back to that job I quit and am one of the top people in my company. I learned about yoga in sobriety. I went to the yoga training in sobriety. I have met so many wonderful people – people that I would not normally have wanted to meet much less form friendships with. After thinking about these aspects of my life, I think to myself, “What does it matter how you got here? This is a journey. I am on a path. And TODAY is the only day that matters on this path that leads me towards…well, I don’t know what it leads me towards. But I will trust the process just like I trusted it when I got here; not knowing what tomorrow would hold. I still woke up to meet that day.”
At five years, it felt like this could be a way of life. Six years feels like I can do anything, be anything, realize any dreams. I am on a path and following it. I can change paths, I can follow different routes – all leading probably to the same place. One thing for sure, I have to keep moving forward.
Today I am so grateful that I was shown how to live life differently. I have a life that most people dream of. I am not saying that this life is perfect. What I am certainly better equipped to deal with Life on Life’s Terms. When difficulties arise, I don’t run. When hard times hit, I know I have been through harder, tougher times. I know that I have a chance at making in this world - and I don’t have to escape through drinking or doing drugs.
I have been sober for six years. Wow! Yay! Thank you.
It was all done one day at a time. And the most important day is TODAY.
I had no idea what I was looking for when I got here. I just knew that I wanted to stop. I wanted life to be different. I followed the suggestions I was given. I had no idea I was gonna be here this long. I often ask myself, “How did I get here?” And then I am filled with gratitude. You see, had I not stayed, life would be very different. Nothing like what it is now. I just got back from San Francisco. I get to travel a lot and have fun. I came back to that job I quit and am one of the top people in my company. I learned about yoga in sobriety. I went to the yoga training in sobriety. I have met so many wonderful people – people that I would not normally have wanted to meet much less form friendships with. After thinking about these aspects of my life, I think to myself, “What does it matter how you got here? This is a journey. I am on a path. And TODAY is the only day that matters on this path that leads me towards…well, I don’t know what it leads me towards. But I will trust the process just like I trusted it when I got here; not knowing what tomorrow would hold. I still woke up to meet that day.”
At five years, it felt like this could be a way of life. Six years feels like I can do anything, be anything, realize any dreams. I am on a path and following it. I can change paths, I can follow different routes – all leading probably to the same place. One thing for sure, I have to keep moving forward.
Today I am so grateful that I was shown how to live life differently. I have a life that most people dream of. I am not saying that this life is perfect. What I am certainly better equipped to deal with Life on Life’s Terms. When difficulties arise, I don’t run. When hard times hit, I know I have been through harder, tougher times. I know that I have a chance at making in this world - and I don’t have to escape through drinking or doing drugs.
I have been sober for six years. Wow! Yay! Thank you.
It was all done one day at a time. And the most important day is TODAY.
