A friend of mine in Dallas sends me this daily meditation. I just love it - and him for doing this. I received a really powerful one today on Safety. Basically, how we may not feel safe and some of this comes from our dysfunctional families. I have been going thru so much of this lately. I am definitely starting therapy again around some "mom stuff." Don't get me wrong, I love my mom. I know she did the best with what she had. And today I am able to follow that with, "But it just wasn't enough."

Last night I got phone calls from my sister, who is trying to help me fix something mom & dad did many years ago. My brother called too and basically felt it was my fault. I am owning up to my part, but DAMN! Had they not done their crap, I wouldn't be in my position now. Long story. Makes me mad and then I start to cry. I cried a little bit ago and it felt good to let it out. I cant believe I cried as much as I did. I mean, this was non-stop, cant catch my breath, slobbering crying. Then I started to laugh, cause I realized I was also snotty! Then I was overwhelmed with sadness again and started back with the snot-slinging crying.

Basically, I am realizing that I am responsible for myself. Although I have been for a very long time. Sometimes it feels like it has been since childhood. I am very aware that only I can take care of myself. No one else is going to do it. The meditation today:

One of the long-term effects of living in a dysfunctional family - as children or adults - is that we don't feel safe. Much of what we call codependency happens because we don't feel safe in relationships. This can cause us to control, obsess, or focus on the other person, while neglecting ourselves or shutting down our feelings.
We can learn to make ourselves feel safe and comfortable, as part of a nurturing, loving attitude toward ourselves. Being with a friend or doing something nice for ourselves helps us feel protected and loved. Sometimes, reaching out to another person helps us feel safe

This isn't all the text but what really stood out to me. I was thinking about where I feel safe.Very much so in my home. I've worked hard to make this place mine, not my mom's. lol I can do things my way. And I feel safe with the Serene Silver Fox and Mary Christmas. There are others with varying degrees. But these two are especially the safest. I feel very safe with The Fearless Leader in San Francisco, in her yoga room. While practicing each of the yoga postures. In each posture nothing else can exist. I feel protected. As if though nothing can hurt me.

Where or with whom do you feel the safest?