Sunday, January 01, 2006
What Now?
I new year. 2006. Weren't we all worried about Y2K just yesterday? Time waits for no one.
I am - and have been so sad for sooooo long. I have been taken over by fits of crying. ugh! I hate crying. Last night I could not bear to be around people. I just wanted to stay home. I ended up at the center and was just so sad. I had to put my best face on - mostly so that people would not ask "why?" and try to "cheer me up". I find it interesting that if someone is sad or down, instantly people want to make you feel different. I just want to be left alone and feel my feelings so they can pass and I can get on with it!
I kept looking around at everyone. I knew just about everyone there. I smiled to myself that I oucould at least show up and be aong people that care about me. i smiled cause I knew I was home - yet I was still sad.
Then, a friend from Austin showed up. I lit up like a Christmas tree. I was so happy and excited. I had just been thinking about him earlier in the evening...wondering how he was spending new year's eve. I rushed over and gave him a big hug, and he huged me back, quite tightly! It was great to catch up with him. We spent a lot of time talking. I was all smiles!
We were outside talking when we heard all the comotion inside - must be mid-night. We kissed, and kissed, and kissed. What a great new year's eve. Again, I was just all smiles!
Today I am going to go to some different houses that I have been invited to and have black-eyed peas and cabbage. Of course I will go to Maxeen's house last and stay the longest there. I hope he makes that black-eyed pea gumbo thing.... mmmm-mmmm GOOD!
So, I am sitting here thinking to myself, "What now?" There is a new year and and opportunity for some new-ness in my life. My birthday is coming up and that just makes it a really good time to make changes. And so I ask myself what they could be. I'll need time to figure it out.... sometimes I think I will sell everything and move to San Francisco! But I can't - Houston is home. As soon as I figure out what is next, I'll let you know. Until then -
I wish everyone much PEACE and a very properous 2006.
I am - and have been so sad for sooooo long. I have been taken over by fits of crying. ugh! I hate crying. Last night I could not bear to be around people. I just wanted to stay home. I ended up at the center and was just so sad. I had to put my best face on - mostly so that people would not ask "why?" and try to "cheer me up". I find it interesting that if someone is sad or down, instantly people want to make you feel different. I just want to be left alone and feel my feelings so they can pass and I can get on with it!
I kept looking around at everyone. I knew just about everyone there. I smiled to myself that I oucould at least show up and be aong people that care about me. i smiled cause I knew I was home - yet I was still sad.
Then, a friend from Austin showed up. I lit up like a Christmas tree. I was so happy and excited. I had just been thinking about him earlier in the evening...wondering how he was spending new year's eve. I rushed over and gave him a big hug, and he huged me back, quite tightly! It was great to catch up with him. We spent a lot of time talking. I was all smiles!
We were outside talking when we heard all the comotion inside - must be mid-night. We kissed, and kissed, and kissed. What a great new year's eve. Again, I was just all smiles!
Today I am going to go to some different houses that I have been invited to and have black-eyed peas and cabbage. Of course I will go to Maxeen's house last and stay the longest there. I hope he makes that black-eyed pea gumbo thing.... mmmm-mmmm GOOD!
So, I am sitting here thinking to myself, "What now?" There is a new year and and opportunity for some new-ness in my life. My birthday is coming up and that just makes it a really good time to make changes. And so I ask myself what they could be. I'll need time to figure it out.... sometimes I think I will sell everything and move to San Francisco! But I can't - Houston is home. As soon as I figure out what is next, I'll let you know. Until then -
I wish everyone much PEACE and a very properous 2006.
