Thursday, January 26, 2006
Connecting
I called a friend of mine yesterday. I called her for a very specific reason. I know she went thru a very similar situation. I knew she would be able to help me. We got to speak today. I asked my question and a dialogue followed. I listened very intently not wanting to miss anything being said. I am grateful there was no judgment, no reprimand, no "being talked to", just plain old conversation. I felt like I had a voice and I was being heard. The decisions that I had made - as crazy as they were - slowly, changed. After all, they were just decisions. No action had been taken yet.
I am grateful that she was there to listen and to talk. In some way, also to give direction. God, how I want some direction. As I heard her speak, I had tears running down my cheeks. I was trying to stop, but there was no use. The tears mostly just to let "it" out. Whatever "it" is or was. I have felt so disconnected lately. I have felt as if I did not have a voice. Like no one was hearing me or understanding me. I have been isolating. I have been maybe trying to reach out and not knowing how. My friend understood. She had been there. And everything she said just made sense. I felt that connection again however brief that might have been. And I listened, and I connected and I was moved.
I called the Serene Silver Fox shortly after. I still speak to her frequently. I think about 3 times yesterday. And we talked about this conversation. And it felt good. I think that she was mostly happy I was crying. I DO NOT CRY! Or rather I find it difficult to do so and to talk about it. I don't mind if you cry. I don't think it weak. I envy people that can be so open about their emotions. She tried to tell me that I mattered. That I have touched many lives. And this is not about an ego. I just feel so insignificant. So the Serene Silver Fox and I talked and joked. And I felt better.
My friend called back to let me know that she had run into someone else we both knew that was going thru a similar experience. And she laughed. I love that laugh. And she was carrying on about how there must be something in the air. That there were too many of us going thru this. That maybe we should start our own group where we could all talk. She had me rolling. And I felt like I mattered. I mattered enough for her to call me back and relay this info.
I got back to work and boy, was I productive. I should have more afternoons where I have an emotional release like this.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you BOTH!
PS. The Serene Silver Fox has had her name for a while. I will have to come up with a name for my friend - one that will do her justice. That will be forthcoming.
I am grateful that she was there to listen and to talk. In some way, also to give direction. God, how I want some direction. As I heard her speak, I had tears running down my cheeks. I was trying to stop, but there was no use. The tears mostly just to let "it" out. Whatever "it" is or was. I have felt so disconnected lately. I have felt as if I did not have a voice. Like no one was hearing me or understanding me. I have been isolating. I have been maybe trying to reach out and not knowing how. My friend understood. She had been there. And everything she said just made sense. I felt that connection again however brief that might have been. And I listened, and I connected and I was moved.
I called the Serene Silver Fox shortly after. I still speak to her frequently. I think about 3 times yesterday. And we talked about this conversation. And it felt good. I think that she was mostly happy I was crying. I DO NOT CRY! Or rather I find it difficult to do so and to talk about it. I don't mind if you cry. I don't think it weak. I envy people that can be so open about their emotions. She tried to tell me that I mattered. That I have touched many lives. And this is not about an ego. I just feel so insignificant. So the Serene Silver Fox and I talked and joked. And I felt better.
My friend called back to let me know that she had run into someone else we both knew that was going thru a similar experience. And she laughed. I love that laugh. And she was carrying on about how there must be something in the air. That there were too many of us going thru this. That maybe we should start our own group where we could all talk. She had me rolling. And I felt like I mattered. I mattered enough for her to call me back and relay this info.
I got back to work and boy, was I productive. I should have more afternoons where I have an emotional release like this.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you BOTH!
PS. The Serene Silver Fox has had her name for a while. I will have to come up with a name for my friend - one that will do her justice. That will be forthcoming.
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That's a GREAT idea. A meeting where everybody who wanted to talk, could talk. It could be a bunch of people who've had trouble stopping drinking or any other addictions.
Now, what to call it? ......
hmmmmmmmmmmmmm
can't think of a good name.
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Now, what to call it? ......
hmmmmmmmmmmmmm
can't think of a good name.
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