I went to Lenny's memorial service today. It was pretty overwhelming. Seeing all these people I had not seen in so long. (some of them I do see from time to time. I work with a few of them. I used to work with Debbi, Lenny's sister. She also used to be my boss' girlfriend.)

I think it was rather sad that the memorial was at a bar. (i cant get past that) But then again, that is where many of us that are gay find our families of choice since our own families have difficulty accepting our homosexuality. Half of the bar was closed off for the memorial and only friends and family were allowed. In many ways it was very nice. I got to mingle a little bit. I did not see any significant other. I don't actually know if he had a significant other. I know he dated. He was a handsome guy.

This was the first Exboyfriend's memorial that I've had to attend. That thought made me think of all the first I had with Lenny. I was pretty young, 22 or 23. And we were together 4 1/2 years. This was the first and actually ONLY significant relationship I have ever had. We lived together. The first/only boyfriend that i lived with. I loved our house. We spent about a year looking for a dining room table. One day we walked into a store and both went directly to one of the tables. We looked at each other and both said "But not the chairs." Then started laughing. So we bought that table without those hideous chairs. I bought that table from him about a year ago. I love that table.

I had to leave the memorial at this point. People were getting up to speak. I had already had several people make some not so nice remarks to me (mostly about me not drinking) So i left. I came home to honor him by myself. I finally got that good cry out. I do believe that he was worth my tears. I felt good to think about him - cry and then laugh a little. Cry some more.

The first time I ever flew was to meet him. I flew to Dallas and we drove back together. (I know it was a short flight, but it was a big deal for this little Mexican boy who had never flown or been outside of Houston and his home town in Mexico. It was the holidays. We had a great time in Dallas and then drove home together.

The First time I went to New York was with Lenny. That was so much fun. All the sight seeing and playing around. He had to work during that trip and I had to go into the city by myself. i was so scared but I did it - mostly with his encouragement.

During that trip I found out what happens when you miss your flight. lol We were late getting me to the airport to come home. I had to go to the other airport and catch a plane there. We parked the rental car outside - by the time we returned(literally 10 minutes) The car had been towed. hahahahaha so many firsts. I freaked out. He was totally calm.

My first REAL vacation. We went on a 10 day trip to Florida. We went to visit friends of mine in Tampa/St Petersburg/Clearwater. Then to Orlando for Disney and Universal Studios. After we went to Ft Lauderdale. So much fun. We drove down to Miami. Where we were departing from. That's when he surprised me. We drove all the way to Key West. For a few days before heading back to Miami. That was such a great trip - and if I recall correctly almost no arguing. (very unusual) lol

He gave me Coco as a birthday present. I love that little puppy princess. When we broke up, we stood at different ends of the kitchen and called to here. Who ever she went to would g to keep here. She came to me - in spite of him having treats in his pocket. hahahaha We laughed about that later too.

Toward the end of our relationship, we were both pretty bad and deep into our addictions. Our break up was pretty bad. We did not speak for a while - a long while. We used to fight - a lot. One time he hit me very hard and I told him not to. So, I wrestled him to the floor, hog tied him with my suit ties. And left him in the bottom of the closet while i smoked a joint. lol It's ok. He and I both have laughed about that night. I moved into the upstairs bedroom. He came home many nights drunk and high (i was too) and we would fight and argue and so on......

We of course had to do the inevitable "GO BACK" and see if after some time apart it could work. Well, no it couldn't. We had a softer, more grown up break up then. (of course, we did not live together so that made it easier)

After we broke up, I got sober. I had to. I just couldn't take it anymore. The first meeting I went to, he was there. I had no idea he was trying to get sober. I was so glad to see him there. It made me feel safe. He finally got some time about a year ago. Then relapsed again. The disease is so strong. BUT FOR THE GRACE OF GOD THERE GO I. I believe in remembering the WHOLE person. Not just the good stuff. So I am remembering every single act, from those good time to all the fights. That made him who he is. He and I were very passionate. In fact, he taught me about being passionate about what you do for a living.

I am glad that he and I were able to make our peace. I get so sad thinking that he is gone. He was a wonderfully talented artist. He did so much work all over the Us Canada and Mexico. He painted murals and did canvas work. ( i am glad that i have a few of his pieces of art) Such talented artist - genius really. He was the best at faux finishes and i do not mean sponging..... True design themes. Big stuff in big homes and businesses. The world will not see the light from a beautiful, shining star has gone out. You will be missed and never forgotten Thank you.

In Loving Memory
Lenny Ray Cure
May 13, 1964 - October 14, 2005