Friday, July 01, 2005
The Only Constant is Change
When I first got sober I had a sponsor tell me that "The only constant in life is change." I had no idea what that meant. I tried to wrap my itty brain around. Today I have clear understanding of the meaning.
I have had a terrible time with work. I am not one to usually get so caught up like this. I have been under pressure with deadlines, projects gone bad, sales gone really bad, and it seems like everything I touch just turns to crap. So the other day it came to me. Shaped by Everything Defined by Nothing. I was letting myself be defined by worked. Work is not who I am. My experiences shape me, They do not tell you who I am. I decided I was gonna make changes. There was action to be taken if I am to change.
I was gonna start by finishing my swim lessons. I was the only one who went every day for the entire 2 weeks, total of 8 sessions. I feel like I really made progress. I also decided that I am going to stick with it and practice 3 times per week. When August rolls around, I am going to sign up to take more lessons to go a little further. I feel good when things are accomplished.
I Went to yoga yesterday. I forgot how much I love practicing. Steadiness and ease in the pose. The discipline, the concentration, the stillness in the pose, the meditation. I love the way I breathe and hold a pose, and feel the sweat roll down my face, down, my arms, my back, and there I am - one with a pose 5 thousand years old..... The pose does not change, I CHANGE!
And I put myself out there and responded to a guy that answered my personal ad. We went to coffee. He is very nice. My type in many ways, not so much in others, and it is ok. There was a bit of a spark so we will see what happens. We are supposed try to see each other this weekend. If not, we do have plans next week.
I have been in touch with people that are in the solution. People that are not wanting to change me BUT instead allow me to change in my own time. The change will happen - it is inevitable. I had a long talk with my sponsor, the Serene Silver Fox, in NJ. And I feel so good about it. It is time. I got a new sponsor that live here in Houston. I think she and I will get along great. I still have not come up with a name for her, but it will come with time. I have much to learn.
Last change for me was making a decision to throw in the towel on a particular project i have been working on. My boss was not that happy. She did comment how it was very unlike me to "give up." And I answered by saying, "That should tell you something. I do not normally give up. I am one of your best sales reps, and I am telling you that at 2 1/2 months of working on this, it is time to let go." Letting go has felt good. I am certain and confident that i have done everything i possibly can. I am gonna cut my losses and move on to the next one. What change - to see clearly and know that I am not going to be defined by one bad project in my work life. That I am not just working. And having my thoughts, my actions, my life run by work. There is so much more to life.
I have had a terrible time with work. I am not one to usually get so caught up like this. I have been under pressure with deadlines, projects gone bad, sales gone really bad, and it seems like everything I touch just turns to crap. So the other day it came to me. Shaped by Everything Defined by Nothing. I was letting myself be defined by worked. Work is not who I am. My experiences shape me, They do not tell you who I am. I decided I was gonna make changes. There was action to be taken if I am to change.
I was gonna start by finishing my swim lessons. I was the only one who went every day for the entire 2 weeks, total of 8 sessions. I feel like I really made progress. I also decided that I am going to stick with it and practice 3 times per week. When August rolls around, I am going to sign up to take more lessons to go a little further. I feel good when things are accomplished.
I Went to yoga yesterday. I forgot how much I love practicing. Steadiness and ease in the pose. The discipline, the concentration, the stillness in the pose, the meditation. I love the way I breathe and hold a pose, and feel the sweat roll down my face, down, my arms, my back, and there I am - one with a pose 5 thousand years old..... The pose does not change, I CHANGE!
And I put myself out there and responded to a guy that answered my personal ad. We went to coffee. He is very nice. My type in many ways, not so much in others, and it is ok. There was a bit of a spark so we will see what happens. We are supposed try to see each other this weekend. If not, we do have plans next week.
I have been in touch with people that are in the solution. People that are not wanting to change me BUT instead allow me to change in my own time. The change will happen - it is inevitable. I had a long talk with my sponsor, the Serene Silver Fox, in NJ. And I feel so good about it. It is time. I got a new sponsor that live here in Houston. I think she and I will get along great. I still have not come up with a name for her, but it will come with time. I have much to learn.
Last change for me was making a decision to throw in the towel on a particular project i have been working on. My boss was not that happy. She did comment how it was very unlike me to "give up." And I answered by saying, "That should tell you something. I do not normally give up. I am one of your best sales reps, and I am telling you that at 2 1/2 months of working on this, it is time to let go." Letting go has felt good. I am certain and confident that i have done everything i possibly can. I am gonna cut my losses and move on to the next one. What change - to see clearly and know that I am not going to be defined by one bad project in my work life. That I am not just working. And having my thoughts, my actions, my life run by work. There is so much more to life.
