Wednesday, May 18, 2005
Talking About the Pink Elephant
Today has been something else. This morning, I got the cotton off of a cotton swap stuck in my ear while cleaning them. I had to drive across town to get my sister to use tweezers and get it out. Gives literal meaning to "get the cotton out of your ears...."
I am the youngest of 7 kids. All boys one girl. They all know I am gay. How could they not know? Geez! We just dont talk about it. That's the big, pink elephant in the room. Lately, I have been having the sense that I am not being totally honest about who I am with my family. I dont feel close to them. Well, If I am withholding part of my life ( A BIG PART OF MY LIFE), how could they get to know ALL of me. Feels dishonest by omission.
Today. I went to visit my sister. After she got the cotton out of my ear, we had a talk. Basically I came out to her. It was very awkward for me to talk to my sister about something so personal. She covered her face at first as to compose herself. And then said. "I knew that's why you were coming over. We must be connected in some way." We talked a bit. She had questions, and I answered the best I could. Everything is good. She commented on how Mom knows too, but does not want to talk about it. It seems my oldest half-brother went on some rampage bashing me a few years ago on the gay thing and that's what made mom not want to hear or talk any more. I enjoyed the talk with my sister.
I was so nervous and anxious. I met my Brother for lunch. It was not until I was driving him back to his office that I said I wanted to talk to him. I told I was gay. He said ok. We talked for a bit in the car and stayed in the car when we got to his office, still talking. He told me to be myself. And that I was still his brother, that nothing has changed. He was very accepting. I remember thinking to myself, "Is this what unconditional love feels like from my own family?" He explained some things about what he understood and it was good. He also said that I would be surprised at Mom's reaction too if I gave her a chance.
Mom is out of the country till the first week in June. She is next.
So, at the age of 33 (and 5 years sober) I got honest and I came out to my family. It feels really good to have talked about this to my family. It feels even better to say, "HEY! LOOK! There's a big, pink elephant standing right there. Dont you see it? Isnt he just great? Made exactly the way God intended." And that Elephant is me.
I am the youngest of 7 kids. All boys one girl. They all know I am gay. How could they not know? Geez! We just dont talk about it. That's the big, pink elephant in the room. Lately, I have been having the sense that I am not being totally honest about who I am with my family. I dont feel close to them. Well, If I am withholding part of my life ( A BIG PART OF MY LIFE), how could they get to know ALL of me. Feels dishonest by omission.
Today. I went to visit my sister. After she got the cotton out of my ear, we had a talk. Basically I came out to her. It was very awkward for me to talk to my sister about something so personal. She covered her face at first as to compose herself. And then said. "I knew that's why you were coming over. We must be connected in some way." We talked a bit. She had questions, and I answered the best I could. Everything is good. She commented on how Mom knows too, but does not want to talk about it. It seems my oldest half-brother went on some rampage bashing me a few years ago on the gay thing and that's what made mom not want to hear or talk any more. I enjoyed the talk with my sister.
I was so nervous and anxious. I met my Brother for lunch. It was not until I was driving him back to his office that I said I wanted to talk to him. I told I was gay. He said ok. We talked for a bit in the car and stayed in the car when we got to his office, still talking. He told me to be myself. And that I was still his brother, that nothing has changed. He was very accepting. I remember thinking to myself, "Is this what unconditional love feels like from my own family?" He explained some things about what he understood and it was good. He also said that I would be surprised at Mom's reaction too if I gave her a chance.
Mom is out of the country till the first week in June. She is next.
So, at the age of 33 (and 5 years sober) I got honest and I came out to my family. It feels really good to have talked about this to my family. It feels even better to say, "HEY! LOOK! There's a big, pink elephant standing right there. Dont you see it? Isnt he just great? Made exactly the way God intended." And that Elephant is me.
Comments:
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way to go Cisco. You should have just invited your family to lambda this saturday night.
# posted by 
: 8:59 AM
: 8:59 AM
Better late than never, dear. Good for you. This opens up many possibilities in your life.
Be Proud.
With Pride.
Be Proud.
With Pride.
OHMIGOODNESS! I leave town for THREE little days and all these pink elephants are trampling throught the Montrose! And I wonder why we can't have nice things around, CC.....
But honestly, I'm so happy for you. I know this was a big step for you. MCOM!
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But honestly, I'm so happy for you. I know this was a big step for you. MCOM!
# posted by : 1:39 AM
: 1:39 AM << Home
